Principles for Relationships with Children

Today I read Garry Landreth's "Priniciples for Relationships with Children"  from his book, Play Therapy: The Art of the Relationship, and found the principles below to be a great reminder for my work with children.

Principles for Relationships with Children

I am not all knowing.
Therefore, I will not even attempt to be.

I need to be loved.
Therefore, I will be open to loving children.

I want to be more accepting of the child in me.
Therefore, I will with wonder and awe allow children to illuminate my world.

I know so little about the complex intricacies of childhood.
Therefore, I will allow children to teach me.

I learn best from and am impacted most by my personal struggles.
Therefore, I will join with children in their struggles.

I sometimes need a refuge.
Therefore, I will provide a refuge for children.

I like it when I am fully accepted as the person I am.
Therefore, I will strive to experience and appreciate the person of the child.

I make mistakes. They are the declaration of the way I am- human and fallible.
Therefore, I will be tolerant of humanness of children.

I react with emotional internalization and expression to my world of reality.
Therefore, I will relinquish the grasp I have on reality and try to enter the world as experienced by the child.

It feels good to be an authority, to provide answers.
Therefore, I will need to work hard to protect children from me!

I am more fully me when I feel safe.
Therefore, I will be consistent in my interactions with children.

I am the only person who can live my life.
Therefore I will not attempt to rule a child's life.

I have learned most of what I know from experiencing.
Therefore, I will allow children to experience.

The hope I experience and the will to live come from within me.
Therefore, I will recognize and affirm the child's will and selfhood.

I cannot make children's hurt and fears and frustrations and disappointments go away.
Therefore, I will soften the blow.

I experience fear when I am vulnerable.
Therefore, I will with kindness, gentleness, and tenderness touch the inner world of the vulnerable child.

Teenagers and Substances

Recently I attended a workshop for parents about substance use & abuse. The presenter continually emphasized the importance of “catching” your children while they are using or experimenting with drugs or alcohol. She offered strategies for parents of middle and high school age children, and people who work with teenagers in various capacities. She specifically emphasized the importance of knowing where your children are, whom they are with, and what their plans are for an evening etc. Regardless of their track record, even the “good kids” experiment with and use substances, which could lead to substance abuse if not caught early.

Below are some tips that I found especially helpful as I work with parents and teenagers who may be experimenting with, using, or abusing substances.

“The 10 Knows”

1.     Know what your family values are about alcohol and drug use and teach them to your children at an early age (Starting in Kindergarten) Example: “We do not allow drugs in our house and alcohol is only for people over the age of 21”

2.     Know whom your kids are friends with and know their parents.

3.     Know if your children will be supervised at a friend’s house (**Just because parents are home does not mean they are supervised!)

4.     Know where the kids are hanging out at the friends’ houses (Large house?  Kids can be on another level and parents are relaxing on another level thinking “Aren’t they great, hanging out so quietly”)

5.     Know your parental instincts (Have a bad feeling? Look into it)

6.     Know the unfamiliar smells.  (Even if you don’t know exactly what the smell is, find out, if it’s unfamiliar, it’s worth looking into.)

7.     Know how much alcohol you have in your house and monitor it.

8.     Know that many teenagers tell you one thing while they are doing another.

9.     Know your community. What’s the community’s history of substances use/abuse at certain ages, are there specific freshman traditions in your community that are not sponsored by the school? Know the families in your community and collaborate with them about larger events kids will be going to.

10.   Know the resources available to you and your family.

Most states offer counseling within the school system, this includes but is not limited to Guidance Counselors, Student Assistance Program (SAP*) Counselors, Behavior Coaches, School Psychologists and School Clinicians.

* Student Assistance Program counselors (“S-A-P counselors”) are counselors who work in middle and high schools as support staff for students who are using/abusing substances as well as teaching prevention strategies to students in an effort to encourage or maintain healthy choices.